There are literally no words to describe how wonderfully trashy this piece of art truly is.
Behold Paris Hilton‘s latest contribution to the music world titled, “Drunk Text.” In the momentous collaboration with the Dj duo known as the Manufactured Superstars, everybody’s favorite heiress channels her inner Erotica-era Madonna by sensually speaking over a bouncy club beat made especially for poppin’ pills, bottles, and cherries. The ensuing onslaught of monotone pouting and Twitter-esque one liners are nothing short of EPIC. And the best part? Paris doesn’t sing a single note during the 4 minute track. I seriously can’t get enough. It’s like a a horrible train-wreck that you just can’t help but watch over and over and over again.
And if that wasn’t enough, we get a video too. Watch the stunning affair unfold as Paris poses in a variety of campy glamour shots deep in the bowels of a seedy club. Real talk though, the close-ups of her sticky red lips and professional texting techniques will leave your jaw on the floor.
Now here’s a list of the twelve best lines from this innovative, crap-tastic game-changer. The world is quite simply not ready.
Oh Paris, how I love thee.
12) “Behind my eyes, I was begging for things my lips would never ask”
11) “If you take the word sex and mix it with texting, it’s called sexting”
10) “He hands me another shot of vodka and I say, sure”
9) “It was just a drunk text”
8) ”I went to the club the other night to, you know, dance with my bitches”
7) “No one is safe in the Twittersphere anymore”
6) “It’s a hot mess of mispelled obscenities, body parts, and run-on questions”
5) “This guy wants you to wet your lips with his bottle”
4) “It’s just another moment when one stupid reply can lead to the walk of shame”
3) “I’ll be damned if I end up in some lame diner after this, last night’s lingierie in my purse”
2) “I’m too lazy to type so I send a photo I took up a dancers skirt and tell him to come get it”
1) “Are you fucking kidding me?”